Connection

So, on to the post I had intended for yesterday...

Sometimes, life presents us with those challenges, those opportunities that really let us know how strong we are, how strong a friendship is, how strong a family is. Sunday was such a day for my family, by whom I have been continually amazed. My mother has 13 brothers and sisters, and they seem surprisingly connected, despite the physical distance that separates many of them. I have known all my life that I (or even my loved ones without me) could arrive unannounced at the doorstep of any one of them (or even of their children) and be welcomed in, warmed, fed, given a place to sleep. I have known this, even though I don't know each and every one of them well.

I have seen other families that live relatively close to each other that don't seem very connected at all. I have seen other families whose members treat each other cruelly, really not putting love into action. I have seen other families that have broken or drifted apart because of dysfunction or lack of motivation. I am not claiming that my family is perfect, but it is strong, welcoming, and connected.

What is it that allows such connections? How are they fostered and maintained? I am not entirely sure. Of course, I might look to effort as a key factor: a yearly family reunion that many travel long distances to attend; commitment to being with those who are undergoing hardship; even the prayer circle one of my aunts has formed through email, alerting us all to the happenings and needs of various people in the family. I might also look to joy as a factor: a genuine pleasure in each other's company, a genuine love and concern for each other's well-being. I can also look to upbringing, knowing that my grandmother and grandfather were remarkable people and very effective parents to create such a strong and connected brood.

Since Sunday, I've been thinking about this connectedness within my family and wondering how this connection is formed and fostered and how it can extend beyond our immediate or extended families, how it can even reach those we don't know well or at all. I've heard people say that we don't choose our families, but we can choose our friends, and I wonder if this is the most helpful way to think about the challenges of relationships. It can seem easier, less painful, to distance oneself when difficulties arise, but connection isn't fostered in this way, and connection is really valuable. Others form a circle around their family, their "tribe," and refuse to allow others in; we see the effects of this on much larger levels throughout the world's societies.

Yet if we learn to truly love and remain committed to those within our families (whether they are formed by birth or by choice), we can grow in deep and significant ways. And if we can extend the strong love, affection, and loyalty we feel toward our families to those we don't know as well, we can spread seeds of peace and justice far beyond our circles of experience.

This is a season ripe with the possibility of goodwill and connection. Indeed, this is a season when these sentiments are almost easy. Let's think about how we've come to feel this cheerfulness and solidarity now. And let's work to extend this practice even when the season ends and we enter a new year, fresh for new beginnings.