Toward a More Spacious Heart

Have you ever encountered a person who pushed all your buttons without even trying, someone to whom you have a deep, visceral reaction even upon your first encounter? I did recently, and I couldn't figure out why I reacted so strongly to her, why I wanted to avoid her entirely, why everything she said forced me to take shelter in the meditative calmness of my breath and the recognition of the thought-root of emotions.

Yesterday, I finally understood.

This woman, whom I will call S., said something to me that was decidedly confrontational, though veiled in sweetness. With the look on her face, the tone of her voice, and especially my emotional response, the answer clicked into place. "That's P.!" I thought to myself. "She's P., and she's here so that I can learn something." P. was a friend with whom I needed to part ways. Just like S., P. would hide aggression and anger under smiles and sweetness. It took me a long time to recognize that the friendship was more painful than genuine. I'm glad it hasn't taken me long to recognize the similarity of my emotional response to S.

With this new awareness, I can be much more generous of spirit. I know S. is not P. I know that she is not meant to be my friend (our relationship is solely professional). I know that I have no history with her and that I don't want to let any baggage taint my interactions with her. And with this awareness, I can be much more compassionate toward her and myself. It helps too that, right after my realization, S. opened up her own home and table to anyone who had nowhere to go on Thanksgiving. I could see the sincerity of her generosity, and my own heart became more spacious.

This spaciousness is the open heart I strive for, the heart filled with love and generosity, kindness and compassion. Awareness and compassion really do change everything. And a spacious heart feels so much healthier than a closed one. Blood moves through tissue, not bone. Love moves through openness, not stone.